Assuming Position
by Tusk Act IV
Summary: In which to spice up their lovemaking, Ruby and Jaune decide to try out different sex positions. The only problem being they only have the names. How does one even do an Aquarious?


**Disclaimer: I own neither the series nor the characters. All the positions were taken from the website . Yes, apparently there's such thing as a dot club. N-not that I'm a member or some weird pervy club, you perv. I'm just an innocent girl who googled for a list of sex position names. I found 245 so that's what I'm going for.**

* * *

"Food and Water?"

"All stocked up."

"Scrolls?"

"Only emergency contact will get through."

"Missions"

"I checked with Nora and Ren and they are sure they could cover for us."

"Kids?"

"What kids?" The smirk on Jaune's face was the perfect level of smug, like he knew he had just turned the tide of a battle but was still not sure enough to win a battle. "We're just two teenagers who have to take shelter in this cabin. The Grimm will surely come for us unless we find a way to keep our spirits up...preferably all night long."

The tall blonde emphasized the last words as he slowly made his way to the bed where his wife lay. Ruby Rose looked much different when he had first laid eyes on her back then. The biggest change being that, compared to that time, this woman had no clothes on.

Ruby's eyes only reflected passion and arousal as they trailed Jaune's own naked body that made its way too her. Tall? Towering. Lanky? Years of fighting had made a god's vessel out of him. Blonde? It was easy to see that he as naturally blonde as they came.

The back of her hand went to her forehead and Ruby twisted her head away from him, her body following suit. "Oh dear is me. I can't believe it has come to this! But if we must! If only to keep away the Grimm!"

She gasped, one that should have been as exaggerated as Weiss' height but instead turned real as Jaune embraced her; his warmth doing well to fuel her own. Two strong arms slinked under her body, pulling the Rose into a hot sweaty embrace.

He lips were about to caprure her own before a pale finger blocked their path.

"Now now. I prepared something special."

"Special?"

"Ayup." RUby then reached with one arm underneath the pillow to bring out a long piece of paper. "I got here a list of different sexual positions. Ones that can really spice things up."

"I like." Jaune nodded, a bit confused but open to the idea. "What do you wanna try first?"

"We'll go with the one on top." Ruby held up the paper to Jaune and pointed at the first item. "Also, I only got the names so we'll have to guess how to do them."

"...huh?"

"It's fine, Jaune. We're not a pair of virgins anymore. Who do you thnk we are?"

**1\. Shuttle**

"What's a shuttle?"

On the first one too. It's all downhill from here, folks.

Ruby rubbed her chin with one hand, thinking. It took her a few more moments to remember where she heard that before. "Ah! It's that thing Weiss keeps trying to make but ends up failing because dust doesn't work in space."

Jaune still looked unsure. "So basically, all we got is Weiss and continiously failing at something."

"Then it's obvious!" With an idea in mind, Ruby got Jaune to get off the bed and stand still. She then followed suit only this time kneeling in front of him. With two of her hands, she then pressed down on her breasts as much as possible. However, her solid C-cup was still too much as they continued to thereaten to spill out of her hands.

"Hey, you don't have to force it, Ruby."

"But, Jaune," Ruby tried one last push before giving up. "Fine. I guess I just can't get it that flat. You can try my back if you want?"

"Nah." Jaune waved off. "Let's just try something else.

**2\. Mermaid**

"Oh, I think we can't do this one." In a burst of petals, Ruby made her way from the cabin's bedroom to the bathroom in a second. "Yep, there's no bathtub."

"That's a shame." Jaune had chosen the cabin for it's price. He knew he should've gotten the one with a tub even if it had cost a bit more. "You think we should get one for back home?"

"I think a shower's enough, Jaune." replied Ruby. "Besides, this is probably one of those Beach-only ones. Mermaids are underwater, right? So we'd need a pool or something."

"I guess."

**3\. Cat**

_"Hello? Ruby? I thought you and Jaune were on...uh huh. Uh huh. Excuse me?! No, there's no such thing as fauna-only sex positions! For cat fauna? I don't even...Yes, I do understand some people have tails but...No! That's unsanitary! What does being able to see in the dark have to do with anything? I...Hello? Hello?...I can't believe she hung up on me."_

**4\. Clapper**

"I got this."

Ruby faced Jaune's penis which was still semi-hard. She raised her two hands, making sure to put the hefty thing in between. Then she started clapping, slapping the penis with both her palms.

_ . . . . . ._

_"_So how's it feeling?"

"Uh...I'm not sure." For Jaune, it felt kinda good. Not enough to really get him erect but it did feel pleasant. Maybe she should be doing it harder.

"Do it a bit harder."

"Alright."

_ . . . . . ._

"Anything?"

"It feels kinda nice."

"Kinda nice is how you also describe Weiss' cooking, Jaune."

"...maybe try your breasts?"

Ruby then did so, grabbing hold of her girls to do the same. However, it started hurting after a while so they agreed to try something else.

**5\. Aquarius**

"Isn't that the one with the jar with water?"

"I think so. Should I get a jar or something?

"Nah. No need to risk breaking something than paying for it later."

"Right."

**6\. Straddle**

"Oh I think we've done this one."

"Yeah?"

"You know the one where I'm on top and I'm sitting on you and stuff."

"Didn't you fall over the first time?"

"Yes, but that's why you grab my wrists every time after. I think it was called cowgirl or something. You think this is a faunus thing?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe you should call Blake up again."

"Right."

**7\. Candle**

"Nope."

"C'mon, Jaune. Just once?"

"...Fine."

Thankfully, the cabin had come with some red candles and a box of matches. Not really comfortable huting his wife, Jaune agreed that he'd be the one to take.

Ruby then lit a candle and got on top of her man again. Both watched as the small flame of the lit candle slowly heat up and melt the top most of the red wax. Angling it above Jaune's chest, they both watched as a hot drop of wax fell from the tip to Jaune's muscular chest. On impact, the liquid immediately cooled and solidified as a red spec on sweaty flesh.

Jaune didn't make a single sound.

They both stared at the red dot.

"...Aura?"

"Aura."

**8\. Boat**

"We really should have gotten that bath tub package. Why didn't we again?"

"Because my beautiful wife wanted the one that came with the icebox full of beer."

"Oh yeah." Ruby then made her way to said icebox to break open one. She took a long chug, finishing the can in one go. "So worth it."

**9\. Disco**

"Ugh. No dancing please."

"C'mon Rubes. Disco isn't even that hard."

"The only thing I care about that's hard isn't in me, right now. It's not my fault, I was born with two left feet!"

"Well, it's not like we have any music anyways. Do you happen ot have any on your scroll?"

"I got the audio book of Yang's autobiography. It's surprisingly detailed. Did you know she was the one who named Zwei? I always thought it was dad."

**10\. Basset Hound**

_"Yes? Ruby? Actually, I wanted to talk to you on your earlier call and-What? No, we do not sniff each other's...How am I supposed to know if a dog fauna's penis is...Just because I'm a cat fauna that doesn't...Barbed!? How would I know...Fine, I'll look it up for you. Not that I'm curious or anything but...yes, good night, Ruby. Say hi to Jaune for me."_

**11\. Wall**

Jaune stood straight up, his back against the wall of the room. Ruby stood in front of him. She never really liked how Jaune just kept growing taller and taller while her own height slowed down. Without her boots, her head could barely reach his chest.

Still, there were perks to having such a tall husband.

"Okay, so I'm just going to hold on to your shoulders, and put it in from there."

"Right, do you need me to hold you or..."

"Jaune, it says wall. Walls don't have arms."

"Fine."

Placing her two hands on Jaune's broad shoulders, Ruby hoisted herself up, her training as a huntress allowing her to retain her balance. Once she was off the ground she planted her two feet by the sides of Jaune's torso as she carefully wiggled her hips, trying to find his dick.

The most she got were light brushes against herself which only increased her wriggling to get it right. Like any good husband, Jaue immeidately noticed his wife's annoyance.

"You sure you don't want me to-"

"I said I got-woah!"

Due to her needing to lean back to talk to Jaune plus his sweaty skin, her palms slid off, causing the huntress to fall to the ground with a light thud.

"Rubes, are you okay?"

"Owie. Honey...can get the ice cream in the fridge?"

"The Neopolitan one?"

"You know me so well...ow."

**12\. Snowdrop**

_"Good evening, Ruby. I had thought you were on-E-excuse me!? You want me to do what exactly to Jaune?! Did you lose your mind or something, you dolt!? You can't honestly expect Jaune would want me to-What? He wouldn't mind? But still that's...I...Send me your location now."_

"What was that about?"

"Just messing with ol' Weiss."

"Hey, don't call her the o word. You know how she gets especially with her hair."

To that his wife just stuck out her tongue.

**13\. Book**

"So where did you find this anyways?" Jaune asked as he looked through the book Ruby had brought out when he asked her where she got the names for her list.. Just as she said it was full of names for what he thought were positions but most of the words and drawings on the pages were burned. Really, the only thing that was left was the table of content with the full list.

"Oh well, I found it in some old ruins." "replied Ruby with a wave of her spoon. She took another scoop from the tub and put it in her mouth then swallowed before contining. "I think it's from the Color Wars. It must have survived Mistral's burning.

"And you decided you wanted to try it out before giving it to Oobleck because...?"

All his question got was a non-comittal shrug from his wife as she finished one side of the Neopolitan tub of ice cream and a;ready planned to get another one from the min- fridge.

Jaune sighed. Maybe it was time they had a talk.

**14\. Gorge**

"Hey, Ruby." Jaune sat on the edge of the bed. it was kind odd how he had gotten used to his nakedness. "Can we talk for a moment?"

Ruby paused. Her arms still in the fridge. "Yeah? Cause you do know all of the strawberry goes to me. It was in our vows!"

"Yeah, I know, Just...can you come here for a moment?"

"Fine." With a pout, she made her way to Jaune. Her mood then shifted when she saw an equally serious expression on his face. "Jaune? What's wrong."

"I don't know, Rubes. It's just..." He paused, and for a moment the blonde felt much smaller than his wife. "Maybe...maybe we should stop."

"Stop? What do you mean? We could go back to the script and..."

"No, Ruby. I don't mean that. I mean...this."

Ruby's heart stopped mid-beat.

However, before she could even respond, Jaune's mouth was faster and his hands on his shoulders even more so.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean stop stop. I mean, pause. Do you think we should pause this for now? Maybe, we can try again in a few months but...this has really been eating me, Rubes. And I know, it's killing you as well."

Ruby didn't say anything. her head bowed and her mood much more different from minutes earlier. No, perhaps it was much more real.

After another minute of silence, Jaune decided to hug the woman instead. She barely responded, besides her head falling naturally to the position on his chest she was used to leaning on.

"Hey, it's not your fault, okay. I just..." He gave her back a few strokes. "I just want to stop worrying, you know? On if it's my fault or why it hasn't happened yet or..."

"It's not your fault, Jaune." were the first words Ruby spoke up, all mumbled into his chest. "I mean, every Arc family is big and..."

"Like, I'm part of the Arc standard. Had to lie my way into Beacon, remember?" His back strokes continued as he fet the tiny shoulders that had literally saved the world tremble. In anything, he hugged her tighter. "Look, it's no one's fault alright. And definitely not yours. it's just bad luck."

Ruby nodded silently. Jaune's chest was awfully sweaty at the moment. His sweat was getting all over her eyes that i'd look like she was crying.

"H-hey, Jaune."

He ignored the wobble in her voice. "Yeah?"

"Why...is it so hard? I mean...I mean I-I've saved the world. I defeated an immortal being. I told of literal Gods and yet...I can't...I can't..."

"Hey, no. Look, let's just lie down and cuddle for a while, alright? I told you it's not on you. If it's your fault then somehow it's also mine as well. That was in our vows too, right?"

"Y-yeah."

And so, the two lied down next to each other. Compared to the other positions they had tried earlier, it was a rather simple one, of a woman resting her head on a man's chest as they faced each other. They continued that for some time as Jaune let Ruby calm down and ignored her sniffles, instead opting to play with her hair.

Eventually, after some time, he spoke up.

"Hey, you know I think this was a suceess."

"What do you mean?" asked Ruby, her sadness having settled to a small melancholy. "We didn't even do any penetration."

"Not that." Jaune's focus went to the small strand of gradient not so red not so black he held between two fingers. "Sure we didn't complete the objective but I got something nice out of it?"

"And what's that?"

"I remembered what it was like to be married to my best friend. I mean, it was fun just doing something with you for once, even if it was just trying to think of sex posoitions from names.

"But we do stuff with each other all the time?" pointed out Ruby. "In fact, the stff they did were mostly each other lately."

"Yeah, but lately it's only been about sex. We meet up, we fuck and then we check the tests. Here we just sorta hung out." Jaune looked down to show off a goofy grin on his face which felt more natural than anytime he's ever tried a sultry look in the middle of their love making. "I really missed that. I guess I missed having you as my buddy instead of my wife."

"Hey, watch it mister! That can still be easily arranged." Ruby faked a huff and poked his chest hard.

Inside, she did however agree. With both of their jobs, it was hard to find time together. And when they did, they'd just use that time for one reason. The Huntress sighed, knowing her husband was right. Whe was the last time they had, as Weiss would put it, 'goof off'?

"You're going to have to take me out on a date then. Like old times."

"Like our third one?"

Jaune smiled as he felt a slap hit his arm.

"You promised never to talk about that!"

"Sorry."

"You're lucky, you're cute."

Ruby further nuzzled herself into Jaune's chest. She had to wonder when was the last time she had been this close to him? Or maybe she had just gotten herself thinking that she had to already make space for nights of bad dreams and stormy weather."

"Jaune?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's give it a break."

"Really?

"Yeah. I mean, just for a while. Let's go back to only worrying about the Grimm, about the mortgage, and getting Weiss a husband."

"Now, that's something I can't say I have a plan for."Jaune then took the opportunity to hug, not embrace, just hug the woman he had falen for. He moved his head close then, his tone soft, whispered.

"You'll be a great mother, Rubes."

"Mmhm."

"I know, you want one. And I want one too. It's just for me...us raising one together is more important than actually having one."

"I get it." Ruby leaned up to give his lips a quick peck followed by a full kiss. "I really am sorry my plan didn't turn out the way we hoped though."

"Nah." Jaune shook his head. "If anything, you were right that we needed some alone time. I wouldn't have opted to go to rent a cottage for a weekend to have a...sex vacation, that's what you called it right?"

"A sex-stay-cation. Two words, Jaune!" Ruby then sat up, and Jaune followed suit. She turned to him, her eyes less tired than they had been for months.

Ruby Rose then told him the most romantic, sexy, and sinful words she had said to him the whole night.

"Want to eat the rest of the pizza?"

"Gladly."

**15\. Sex Slave**

Weiss Schnee, the current CEO of the newly turned around SDC, felt like she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. And this was taking into account the numerous times she had followed her team leader into a dangerous situation without much thought.

Although, to be fair, this was still in the same category as all the previous ones

Still, that, at least those had reasons being her life on the line. Well, her life was also on the line here as well, metaphorically speaking.

Because right now, she was standing outside a cottage with a trenchcoat on and a bag of things she would never want to ever be caught with nor had known existed.

To repeat, she, Weiss Schnee, the CEO of SDC and one of the heroes of the Salem War that was well-respected all throughout Beacon, was outside a wooden cottage where two of her married friends (if what Ruby had told her a few days earlier accurate) were definitely screwing each other in ways that had long been lost in History and she, after being invited, was outside said sex building wearing only a trenchcoat and the sexiest lengerie she could find (if one could find due to how transparent and little fabric there was) while holding a duffel bag of dildos, cosplay, vibrators, fleshlights, handcuffs, and everything she could stuff into it.

She raised a shaking fist to the door and she paused as she realized the super long sentence that you probably glossed over reading due to how run-off it was.

Why was she here again?

Oh right. it was because taking over one of the world's largest businesses wasn't as simpe as she thought. When all she had done the years before was slay some mosnters and save the world, she may have slightly underestimated how hard running a business and then turning it over a new lead was. She was even surprised her father was able to have sex at least three times.

Raising her head with false bravodo and tightening her tenchcoat, Weiss knocked on the door..

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**AN: Credits to a random anon on rwbyg giving me the idea. I felt like I needed to go back to my roots as a Lancaster writer. Not that I've really written that many Lancaster fics. Just fics involving them but not the ship itself as the focus. Yes, these are apparently all names for sex positions that exist. The source is in the disclaimer above. I just went with the first 25 then cut down 10 cause I'm lazy and couldn't really thing of any funny jokes though I may go back to them.**

**Anyways, there are literally more than 200 positions more to go. Tell me if you want me to continue with Lancaster or shift over to another pairing. There's enough to go around anyways. Hahaha haha...what am I doing with my life?  
**

**Also this is my 50th fanfic. Yay me.**


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